After all I've done for all of you.
After all I've put up with.
After all the things you've done.
After all the things you've taken.
After all the times you came to my house when there was nothing left to do.
After all the times you've all used me....you can't ever think to invite me anywhere.
You can't ever think to introduce me to "your" friends
After all the people I've introduce you all to.
You're all happy. You all don't know what you're doing to me.
You're selfish.
After all I've done for you.
I don't ask for much in return.
In fact I hate asking for anything in return....
all I hope for is that you think of me and include me.
I feel invisible.
- after all i've done
-
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
inked_x_wings- March 22nd, 20:04
lonely
- Dangerous Business
-
- inked_x_wings
- March 20th, 23:15
- crushed
If I did what you did, I would be calling and callnig. I would be at your door everyday. I would send you cards asking for your forgivness....
but you, you can't even call me.
You can't even mail/message me.
I dont understand how you could be so cold-blooded.
fuck you.
- back to where we started
-
- inked_x_wings
- March 19th, 15:20
- disappointed
Im not answering becuase I dont want to talk
Im not answering because I need time to cope
I cant believe you could ever say those words to me
Im not trying to make you mad....
This has nothing to do with you!
Im not talking to you for MYSELF
Im doing this for ME
Not everything is about you.
Im not talking to you out of spite or hate
Im not talking because I have nothing to say.
You tore out my heart and left me with nothing.
There is nothing to say to your pathetic face.
You sicken me. How can you say that and not care.
You hear me cry. You here me scream...and you do nothing.
You only want to talk to me on your time...You always give up.
You cant "deal" with me.
Im just an emotional bitch I guess
You never have time to every hear me out.
You never listen
You're worthless.
- fuck food
-
- inked_x_wings
- January 21st, 14:57
I cant stop eating!
Its driving me crazyyy!
I gotta work out and stop this shit!
- Buried Myself Alive On the Inside...
-
- inked_x_wings
- January 13th, 18:29
- depressed
You almost always pick the best time,
to drop the worst lines.
You almost made me cry again this time.
Another false alarm,
red flashing lights.
Well this time I'm not going to watch myself die.
I think I made it a game to play your game
and let myself cry.
I buried myself alive on the inside,
so I could shut you out,
and let you go away for a long time. GET OUT!
I guess it's ok I puked the day away.
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way.
And if you want me back,
you're gonna have to ask.
I think the chain broke away,
and I felt it the day that I had my own time
I took advantage of myself and felt fine.
But it was worth the night,
I caught an early flight and I made it home.
With my foot on your neck
I finally have you,
Right where I want you,
Right where I want you,
Right where I want you,
Right where I want you
- How to make things right
-
- inked_x_wings
- December 26th, 2008
confused
I dont know how to make things right anymore.
I break up with someone who I cant get off my mind.
I call him, I text him, I miss him.
We offically ended things on the 24th and i havent talked to him since.
I cant not talk to him. I hate this whole ignoring eachother, let's pretend we never met whole bit.
It's not that I dont care for him. I just cant be with someone with so much baggage.
I want to make things right.
I want to be happy.
I hate being stressed but I dont know whats good for me anymore.
I texted him today at 12:45 and I got nothing. I dont blame him cause I would probably feel the same way.
I pray and hope for the best. Its the only thing I can do right now.
- uhhh dunno
-
- inked_x_wings
- December 21st, 2008
- tired
Last night
im probably gonna get grounded
um
single
6 beers
3 guys (fo,grod,rw)
goldfish
ummmm need i say more
=]
plusss 2-3 (ol)
you probably have no idea what im saying but i do so haaa!!!
fuck
- smother me
-
- inked_x_wings
- December 19th, 2008
- confused
I can't explain it.
I only feel comfortable with you.
I miss you more and more everyday.
Each day is like a maze of confusion.
Every turn is a new emotion.
Some I havent felt before.
The emptyness is filling up with anger and love all at the same time
I pray every night cause I dont know what else to do.
I call you all the time because I cant break away.
I can't cry. But I miss you.
Im up late nights thinking of you.
I still talk about you...everyday
I want to cry everyday....but I cant
When will I ever see you again.
Its been ten full days without seeing you and I cant take it.
Im going crazy!
I want to see you but I know if I do it will make things ten times more confusing for me.
Im leading you on. Im giving you mixed signals and I dont even know what I want.
The thing is when I do talk to you...we still fight.
I can never get a word in with out being interrupted.
Please be well. Go to work. Do well in school. Please.
Dont smoke. I want to make things right
The sad thing is that something tells me it may never be again.
Our love was real. Our love was strong. No one can understand.
We actually love(d) each other. I care for you so much and I want you to be ok.
I want to be happy with you because I know how our love created miricals between us.
Our chemistry was unreal. I want it all back but look at the past two months.
Please call me
I love you with all my heart
Love forever and always,
Doggie
- Dear Omar
-
- inked_x_wings
- December 18th, 2008
- crushed
Dear Omar,
I don't know what to say. I can't even think of words to express my feelings, emotions, and thoughts right now. I am truly sorry that this had to happen. I know for a fact that we love each other, but I also know that this is what's best for us. It breaks my heart that we love each other so much, but that we can't be together. That's not how love should be. I know how much you need me and how much you just want me back but I can't help you through everything. You're almost 18 and you have too much responsibilities to take care of. You have no time for me which I understand and which is why I had to do this. I know how much it hurts. If you look at it now, you're going to be mad and resentful towards me, but in the future, how ever long it takes, you will realize why this had to happen. Our fighting everyday was getting bad. We were crying and fighting more then we were laughing and kissing. I know I expected a lot out of you and I put a lot of pressure on you, but at the same time you did that all to me too. I just wanted to help you with everything. I just wanted to be the angel that made all the pain go away. I wanted to save you. I just let it get so bad to the point where you were getting resentful towards me and thinking that I was just telling you what to do. You may not see it now but I helped you in so many ways that you can't imagine. I know that what we had was real. The first 7 months we knew each other before we were going out were amazing. You gave me amazing feelings I've never felt before. I was in denial for so long about loving you. Our first kiss was like a dream. It was everything I wanted. You saw me when no one else did. You took me out of my darkest corner. You lifted my chin when I would lose hope. You were there for me for everything and I know that what we had was incredible! We were so happy. Every night I would go to sleep with a smile on my face just knowing the love we had was better then anything anyone else has ever felt.
In these past two months there was so much I wanted to do with you but things would just lead to fights. I would start planing things around us not fighting. What kind of relationship is that? Relationships are supposed to be fun and worry free. I started realizing all the problems in you life. Your family are ass holes. Your parents tell you your a fuck up everyday. Your sisters only call you to yell at you for your mom because shes too lazy to, or they call because they need something from you, such as money, which you don't have. Your job isn't consistent and you only work weekends which leave no time for me or time for your friends. You lost so many friends from school because you got kicked out for having weed on you. Your car is broken so you have no way of getting around. Your phone is broken so you have no way of calling me. Your tutors all fuck you over. The list keeps going on and on and here I am in the middle of it trying to help you. All I ever wanted was to be with you, go to cute dinners, go on cute dates and just have a blast being young and in love. You have more stress then most 30 year old men and I can't deal with that. You're young, you shouldnt been this stressed out. Stress just leads you to bad things like smoking, drinking, and taking things out on me. I think about you everyday and you know how they say it gets easier as time goes on? Well its just gets harder for me. I can't not think about you. I haven't seen you in over a week and I can't live like this. I love you so much but look at the past two months. We fought everyday about everything. We saw this coming.
Part of me wanted to end things because enough was enough and I didnt want this to get to a point where I would regret being in a relationship with you. The other part just wanted to get out there. You were my first kiss. I've never kissed anyone else. I know this is also hard to hear. I dont want to break your heart but I did hook up with this other kid from work. I thought he was mature and smart but he turned out to be an ass hole. When we kissed it felt so weird. I felt like a whore. He did things to me that if you ever found out, you would flip and probably go after him. Being with him made me feel like a complete slut, but it also made me feel like I was being used. Normally I enjoy kissing but I was so uncomfortable. It wasnt love like we had, it was just a sleazy hook up...
I know that if you every really found out what happened you would be so angry and hurt. I know you would probably go out and do the same. I know you would do things in spite of me and call me up when you were at parties just to make me feel like shit. I dont want this to be a war but I just needed to get it out of my system.
I love you and I will never stop loving you.
I care for you and I will never forget you.
You gave me so much and lifted me up when I was so far down.
You took away the pain and replaced it with new amazing feelings.
No one will ever understand the way I felt for you and no one will ever understand the love we had.
Please don't ever forget me.
I love you mumble bee
Love forever and always,
Jess
- Dear TD
-
- inked_x_wings
- December 18th, 2008
- disappointed
Dear TD,
The other day I found out exactally what you were about. Here I am, all happy and over everything thinking I found "Mr. Right" little did I know I was totally wrong. I fell for you because you made me happy. Just like I fell for Omar. I had no idea you were going to be like this! Actually that's a lie. My impression was that you were a complete and total jerk who used girls and hooked up with a new girl every week. Then I got to know you and you seemed nice, smart, hot, mature and so on, but guess what? My first impression was right. You're a womanizer. The two weeks you gave me were great but now Im stuck here with my thoughts. Im starting to feel misrable again. Im starting to feel lonely again, and yet, Im really confused. Part of me is happy to be single. I have more time on my hands. I can go work out, hang with friends, flirt with as many guys I want, whenever I want. The other part of me feels like Im missing. I feel like Im missing my other half. I have no one to tend to like I used to. In a way I guess thats good but I never minded taking care of Omar. I guess you were just there to fill that in for me. What you did was uncalled for. And what you said was even worse. I dont know why. I usually like that sort of stuff but this time it felt weird. I loved it when Omar would do that but when you do, I feel like a whore... I know just what you are. I know what you're about. I know you don't like me and that all you want is to hook up with me and some.... Oh wait, excuse me, I forgot you're a "senior" so therefore you have the authority to use women. I thought you were a man. I thought you were more mature and smart, but you're just like every other guy. I thought I was getting myself away from all that when I broke up with Omar, but sure enough I ran straight into the arms of a little boy all over again.
There is nothing more to say...
Hope you feel accomplished..
-Jess
- 12/12/08
-
- inked_x_wings
- December 13th, 2008
loved
<3
<3<3!
TD and I kissed!
- your eyes are yet to be clear now
-
- inked_x_wings
- December 7th, 2008
pissed off
Here I sit, staring out my window at the dead trees and snow on the ground. I haven’t heard from you since yesterday morning which never happens. I called you last night and it went straight to your voicemail. I called you twice this morning…no answer. I left a voicemail telling you I want to work things out…nothing. What is wrong? I understand you are going through a rough time right now and your life is a shipwreck but I want to be here for you. The problem is you push me away.
Your parents are ass holes. They treat you like shit. They make you pay all the bills. They make you work your ass off every weekend. They yell at you for everything and expect you to work, pay bills, cook for yourself and do well in school. Well school is almost out of the picture for you. You have a tutor but you never go. You have issues. You have no self worth.
I’m scared for you and me. I love you and I don’t want to lose you but you’re falling down. I have problems too. Not as bad as you do but I still have insecurity problems and family problems. I can’t keep getting myself involved with your problems. I just want to love you, kiss you all over, hold you, and create memories with you but you just push me away and we fight everyday.
Sometimes I don’t know if you realize what you have.
I’m always here for you. When ever you have a problem you have a place to stay and just escape it all. I know I can be a bitch but it’s all out of love, babe.
Yesterday we fought…about nothing. I told you Friday night that I was going to the mall early in the morning on Saturday and you said that was ok. Then you asked me if we could meet up when I got back and I agreed. I told you I wouldn’t be back until 2 and you were pissed. You called me up at 12 and asked where the fuck I was and I told you I was still shopping. You yelled at me telling me you’ve been waiting for two hours for me when we clearly established that I probably wasn’t going to be back until 2. We got in a huge fight. You told me to go fuck myself. You even took it to a next level and told me not to hear from you for a week straight. What kind of relationship is that? Later on you text me telling me you want to see me and I told you I was willing to if we weren’t going to fight. You said ok and I told you I would let you know when I was on my way home. Sure enough I stuck to my word and texted you on my way home….no response. You cant FUCKING say I didn’t try you STUBBORN BASTARD!!!!!
I love you. I don’t know why. You treat me like shit! Why am I so in love with you? Why can’t I let go? Stop hurting me! STOP IT!
- FUCK YOU!
-
- inked_x_wings
- December 5th, 2008
Fuck You Omar
You've fucked me over so many times
I wanna fucking kill you
You've broken me day in and day out
everyday its a new thing
you love me you hate me
You kiss me you break me
what is your obcession with tearing me apart???all i do is love you and you fuck me over
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MOTHER FUCKING FUCK YOU!!!!
Im sitting here all dresed up ready to go to a dinner and you fucking fucked me over you FUCKING BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK YOU BURN IN HELL YOU FUCKING CUNT!
I've never stopped loving you you mother fuckin bastard i fucking hate you you piece of shit!!!!!!!
FUCK YOU YOU WASTE OF LIFE
YOURE A PIECE OF FuCKING SHIT!
Just fucking do it!
Break my heart once and for all!
get it the FUCK OVER WITH!
I can handle it!
I'll fucking TAKE THE FUCKING PAIN!!!
I've done it soon many times before you FUCKING CUNT MUTHER FUCKING ASS WIPE!!!!!!!!!! You tell me you love me
I got all dressed up for nothing!
and that Im everything to you
and that you dont want to ever leave me
[I fucking hate you]
You dont think we should "see each other tonight"
15 mins later you tell me you'll be here in an hour
what if you dont show...
then you fucked me over.....TWICE!
HOW QUICKLY I FORGET THAT THIS IS MEANINGLESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!
What is your problem you have so many issues and how do I know if you're lying??????
I have so many unanswered questions and YOU'RE NOT FUCKING HELPING! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!
I was so excited to see you and go to a nice dinner
now Im fucking alone drinking by myself trying to figure out what the FUCK i did wrong!
FUCKING BASTARD
You're mom was right
you're a fucking waste
a waste of time
a lost cause
a nothing
.......
.....
...
..
.
..
...
.....
......
What is wrong!
WHAT DID I FUCKING DO TO YOU!I cant feel SHIT!
Why is this happening
I love you
I love you you fucking bastard!
You dont even fucking care anymore
IM GETTING FUCKED UP YOU FUCKING BASTARD
You're gonna be mad but I dont fucking care
My mom tells me to just end things because you fucking dont love me anymore!
Maybe i should just do it
"I DONT THINK YOU KNOW WHAT THESE WORDS MEAN I DONT THINK YOU KNOW WHAT WE COULD BE!!
!!!!!!!!!
I WILL WAIT FOREVER CAUSE I THINK YOU'RE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!! "
I cant see straight
I miss cody
He's the best
he's helped me through so much
Do i like him?
How about Tim?
He is sooo cute!
I love his eyes when they squint and his smile!
his nose is big but i dont even care
hes a senior at somers but he is so amazingly cute!!!Part of me wants to fuck this whole thing with omar and just go for Tim but like Im scared!
what if i dont like him or love him
what if it doesnt work out?
I dont know how it would being that he lives in somers....=[
idk maybe we'll figure things out
I really wanna go for coffee with him
but i dont want to break omar's heart even thought he's done it to me so many times before
He said his coming in 20 mins tops
i dont want him to see me like this
hes gonna get mad
im starting to feel drunk
I've never resulted to drinking before
....the scary part is.....
.....I dont even care
Im so dizzy and its great
I cant feel anything
I dont even know if im typing right you....
holy shit i meant to type now and i wrote you,,, wtf is my problem
screamo music is the best!
im so fucking PISSED right now but i cant feel shit
my mom is upstairs and im like drunk....
about iam to go get more...
I feel like shit
I feel like dying
I feel like just fucking everything
and giving up
Sex....
Im scared that omar only uses me for that
and yes im not a virgin
I have no regrets
I love him and I know that so I give that up to him
because I love him,.....
WHY am i so scared?
Im hurting but im drunk! I M not supposed to feel this
i wanna crybut i cvant
Save me.....
I havete stoped how long have i been writing
I cant breath
Im reallly cold and im shaking
i cant tell if its cause im sick, drunk, or really depressed....
i miss my dad
i know that s completely random but my life has been fucked up since he left me two fucking eyars ago......
STOP HURTING ME!!!!!!
I am SO SCARED!
Im gonna go get more
hes here...
- short...but sweet...
-
- inked_x_wings
- November 20th, 2008
whats wrong with him....
- I dont know...
-
- inked_x_wings
- February 10th, 2008
pensive
There are many people in your life that you will come across, but there is always that one person who will change your life forever. They could change it in a positive way or not, in a beneficial way or in a way that will crush you forever. There are many people in my life who are just like that. My dad left me not too long a go and things have never been the same since then. I try to cherish those fragile moments we’ve had together. Those moments and memories can never be replaced. But now, there fading away and I’m losing him more and more everyday. Life goes on, the clock wont stop clicking and neither will my beating heart, but no one can describe the pain I’ve been through. On a positive note, I still have my dad and I probably don’t have it as bad as others but it doesn’t always feel that way.
Thank god for those people in my life who make me so happy. With out them I’d be so lost. I don’t know where I would be right now and who I’d be with. Watching people and thinking all your life that they couldn’t be happier and then one day you hear their story and you realize that happiness was just used to cover up everything inside. This is when you realize life is too precious to waste being depressed and sad. Anything can happen in a split second and the person you once saw everyday of your life can be gone whether its death or escaping the depression by leaving everything behind and starting all over.
This is my life now, and I don’t want to let it go. There are so many things I have to live for and so much more to see. There are so many people I want to love and be with forever. I never want to leave. Right now I am so happy and these days just keep flying by. I’m so happy it freakin hurts! So many people helped me get to where I am now and I regret all those days I was depressed. I miss my dad but my life won’t stop for me. My friends are the best people in the world and I’ve been through so much with them and I will never stop loving them. Even though some of them have changed since we’ve first met, my heart will still beat the same. All the moments we’ve had lying in the starlit night looking at the stars and talking about life and what it is all about. All the moments spent in the summer capturing moments by photograph and laughing uncontrollably. All the moments shared with boyfriends and maturing in so many different ways. All the moments when we were piss drunk realizing we wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here right now. I will never forget them and I thank them for it everyday.
- Let me wring her neck!
-
- inked_x_wings
- January 28th, 2008
- annoyed
I have been pushed so far to the point where I dont care if I know I will lose a fight to this girl!
Just let me fuckin' wring her neck!
haha
its just driving me insane!
but I know Im too pussy to do it so I guess I'll just have to brush it off my shoulders...
*sighs*
- FUCK!
-
- inked_x_wings
- January 5th, 2008
- enraged
Peope fucking piss me off!
My dad is fucking retarded!
I do one fucking thing wrong and he thinks I'm the child from hell!!!!!!!!!
He pisses me off the most!
He acts like Im a fucking 2 year old and I get the same old fucking sob story everyday of my life how he loves me and never ment to hurt me....and yadddaa yadda
I dont know what to do anymore but to just bang this whole shit out...
see this would be soo much easier if my parents were'nt so fucking annoying
I have a massive headache and my back is killing me!
I hate everything right now and if anyone else pisses me off Im gonna blow!
......
.......
.........
...........
...............
...................
.................................
I like apple juice...
Im drinking some apple juice and its the only thing that is making me happy
- Wow....
-
- inked_x_wings
- January 4th, 2008
- bitchy
well....
It's Friday night...
I just got back from a party...
That was fun...
As far as tomorrow goes....
I dont know...
I'm grounded for a month...
I hate parents...
Even though I only live with one...
On top of all this I have my boyfriend making me feel worse than I do by blaming it on me
Ok, ok it was stupid and I can't chill with him for a month but it's not like we can't chill in school and what not!
I miss my dad...
It sucks...whenever I'm said I alway think about my dad.
Sometimes I wish I just lived with him but I know he would'nt let me do half the shit I do now...
I wish my mom was more laid back...
I wish I could change a lot of things to make my life so much better
There is no point in arguing...
I'll just get in more trouble!
M ean
O ne-sided
M avolence
WtF!
I'm so...blahhhh!
One second I'm mad, the next I'm sad, the next happy!
WTF!!!!!!!!!
ugghughghgughguhggghhhhhH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
any one who feels my pain....pleaseeee talk to me!
- better
-
- inked_x_wings
- September 12th, 2007
- cheerful
Things are much better now! After a 4 hour converstaion on the phone we worked things out!!! So he's coming over tonight and Im happy but I swear if he ever does anything like this again Im gonna personally tear off his balls, slit his throat and shove 'em down there....not really but ugh I will be soooo mad!!!!!!
- Forgivness
-
- inked_x_wings
- September 8th, 2007
- crushed
" It takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited." - Lewis B. Smedes
These past few days have just been hell. I have mixed emotions once again. I just cant get away from all this confussion. I really really like him. Should I give him another chance? Maybe I'm just really mad and I need some time to cool down. There is no such thing as breaks because they never work out. I just need to get my head straight and maybe not talk to him for a few days. When I get mad I tend to point all the negatives about a person. I need to forgive, maybe not forget, but forgive.
any sugguestions?
